#bursts thru the door like big bird

[myketheartista]

Gracefully hallucinate

Stardust up in my veins

Can’t let the feeling fade

hell tunastime may i request a 34 sending you the smirking cat image

you are an enabler of the worst kind. don't send me that freaking cat smirking image I can't stand you. anyway myke this is for you, the only tuna and lovelace enjoyer that I know besides myself. this is on my MCCI playlist, so that's the ONLY reason I have for writing this. besides myke.

(574 words)

Tuna stands outside of the third parkour course with their eyes squinted. It's bright, and the everlasting sun is blocked only partially by the big green fishing hat balanced on their head. Their tail flicks agitatedly as they rock forward and back and fold their arms. They're still shaking off the heat and exhaustion of their last run, hair pushed back and sticking to their forehead where it still manages to fall forward.

5 minutes and 37 seconds.

That's their best time right now—which is to say, not what they're looking for in a parkour run. Another annoyed flick of their tail. Right now, the Shepherd's most advanced run is 2 minutes and 16 seconds. Luckily, nobody else in their party had run the third course since it reset, so really, they were only batting against themselves for the basic. They could afford the few mistakes that came with learning a run and go from there, hopefully to a higher score. Out of the corner of their eye, Lovelace tilts her head.

"Standin' around for fun?" She asks, leaning back on her hands. From under the brim of the hat, mask tied tight through the belt loops of their black cargo pants, Tuna furrows their eyebrows. They stretch slightly, their now tanned, bare arms pulling this way and that.

"No," they grumble. "I'm trying to figure out how to mentally prepare myself for the second worst parkour run of my freaking career."

Lovelace laughs. 

"Well can I follow?"

"Are you actually going for time or are you just gonna laugh at me?"

Lovelace shrugs.

"Probably just laugh."

Tuna sighs. Not much else they could do.

"Fine," they huff. "Just don't trip me and I'll be fine."

Lovelace bounds over, all smiles and hands stuffed in her pockets. She looks them up and down for a moment, head slightly cocked. Tuna squints. 

"You don't trip, you just don't jump," Lovelace teases, still smiling. Tuna rolls their eyes, laughing to themselves. The smile that worms onto their face is instinctual.

"I do jump—it's—I'm not good at this, so I just fall. I over-jump. I don't do it 'cause I'm good. I do it for fun."

"I think that's cute."

Tuna blinks at her, grinning confusedly.

"What? Me being a tryhard and still failing? Do you think I’m cute?"

"Pfft—" Lovelace snorts. "No." Then she looks away, expression faltering. "No I don't. actually. I don't. No."

"Well,” They muse. “I'm gonna try really hard to do well, but... you know how I am."

"Mhm," Lovelace manages to eke. Her eyes flick over them again. 

"Last longer if you take a picture," they hum, putting their hands on their hips. The irritated flick of their tail has turned now into a slow sweep, keeping their balance as they rock back and forth again, testing the weight on their heels. Lovelace raises her eyebrows. She seems to regain some of her composure as she tilts her chin up.

"I'll do that when you beat your time, how about it?"

"I'll hold you to that," Tuna smiles, a mouth full of sharp teeth. Lovelace smiles back, but not without the wobbly falter of someone trying to ignore an internal ping to their system. If Lovelace could blush, she'd probably be red by now. 

Cute.

With a huff of a laugh, Tuna shakes out the tension in their hands, drops into a lunge, and hits the start timer around their wrist.

(send me a number 1-100 and I'll write a little thing based off the song!)

[akkivee]

well, that arb event was pretty nuts i gotta say lmao

it starts with jyushi doing the equivalent of a “*record scratch* yep that’s me, just crying stuck on the moon. bet you’re wondering how i got into this situation—“ and then we cut to jyushi wishing amanda good night as he falls asleep after a long day training with kuukou. the next morning, he’s rudely awakened by kuukou barging into his room and slapping him awake lol jyushi asks him why is he here and kuukou tells him that they’re going to a forest in yokohama!!! he heard from hitoya (lmao) that the forest is full of rare and exciting creatures and jyushi’s like well that’s cool and all but what’s this got to do with him, y’know???

obviously kuukou’s going to train him there!!!

jyushi put up as big of a fight as he could but it proved futile as kuukou dragged him away lol and so they’re in this forest yeah?? kuukou’s excited, jyushi very much is not when they hear a noise and

suddenly a large moa appears?????? it makes a very unsettling noise btw whenever it’s in frame i don’t blame jyushi for screaming bloody murder on sight lol and it’s very hostile!!!! it starts to chase them thru the forest!!!!

and kuukou trips as it’s chasing them!!!! he tries to get jyushi to leave him and escape but jyushi refuses to leave kuukou behind 🥺 he tries to help kuukou maneuver thru the forest but it’s slowing them down and just when the moa has caught up to them—

a haast’s eagle swoops in and attacks the moa!!!! jyushi immediately uses this to his advantage to escape. once they’ve found themselves in a safe area, kuukou confusedly wonders why there’s all these extinct birds in this forest when both those birds have been extinct for a while, like he mentions that the moa has been extinct for about 600 years. jyushi asks him why he knows this off the top of his head and it turns out kuukou likes researching extinct species (🥺) but he brushes that off and thanks jyushi for saving him. he owes him big time!!!! jyushi is flustered but happy by kuukou’s thanks and jyushi/kuukou bonding time would have continued on

had a sabretooth tiger interrupted them(????)

there’s nowhere to escape save for that lake so kuukou and jyushi jump right on in (after jyushi complains that he hates getting wet lmao) and they think they’re safe

however the megalodon in the water says otherwise lmao

sooooo they hop right back out but it’s not like the sabretooth tiger still isn’t there y’know??? so kuukou decides there ain’t anything left to do but fight it lol jyushi is vehemently against this and as they’re arguing the tiger pounces—

and is stopped dead in it’s tracks!!!!! rio captured the sabretooth tiger!!!!! when they realize who they were saved by, jyushi does his dramatic self introduction lol that kuukou promptly interrupts to thank rio, who tells him to think nothing of it, he just happened to be catching ingredients lol rio offers to take them back to his base rest up and kuukou readily agrees

we next see them enjoying rio’s home cooked meal with sabretooth tiger meat!!! well, kuukou’s enjoying it, jyushi’s kinda like 😰😰😰 but both rio and kuukou peer pressure into eating it but it really is good!!! kuukou continues to praise his food and asks for more and as does jyushi and since they seem to be enjoying his food so much, rio offers another dish alongside it. jyushi takes the dish and immediately starts screaming lol kuukou’s wondering what his deal is, it’s just rice and rio says it’s made out of grilled trilobites and anomalocaris (both extinct bugs) and jyushi gets bullied into eating that one by the power of rio’s sad puppy dog face lmao

meal time ends but it’s definitely late so kuukou makes the executive decision to stay at the base overnight which jyushi isn’t particularly enthused by but the camp base turns out to be a great spot for stargazing!!! he starts pointing out various constellations and quizzing kuukou on them but kuukou doesn’t have much interest in stargazing. rio humors jyushi tho, impressed with his knowledge and asks why jyushi’s into stargazing and it turns out that jyushi wanted to be an astronaut and fly to the moon when he was little (🥺🥺🥺) but he gave up on that dream

and, as one does when a sad boy talks about his abandoned dreams, rio offers to take jyushi to the moon

kuukou and jyushi: uh what

rio has a rocket. and he wants to take them to the moon. and so he does lmfao

and yeah they sure do just land on the moon!!! it’s surreal as hell but rio and kuukou encourage jyushi to just enjoy himself lol kuukou and jyushi have a grand old time hopping about on the moon and jyushi turns to rio asking if he’s having fun too but rio looks very troubled. he asks what’s wrong and it turns out that the engine’s not working so uh, they’re stuck on the moon. jyushi bursts into tears and we are back where we started lmao

kuukou snaps at jyushi to stop crying and rio too asks him to calm down and kuukou points out there’s no use in crying when they can be thinking of a way out of this situation. rio again agrees and brainstorming began to happen but as if this event couldn’t be any weirder

a goddamn ufo just appears!!!!

lmao and of course rio and kuukou are getting excited to see aliens (guess who would like to eat them lmao) but just as the door to the alien spaceship opens—

jyushi wakes up!!!!!! he’s relieved it all seems to have been a dream lmao but then he hears footsteps rushing down the hall and the deja vu hits hard when kuukou bursts thru his door yelling they’re going to yokohama. jyushi is immediately screaming he doesn’t want to go to that terrifying forest and kuukou’s like what are you even talking about??? he was just going to take jyushi out to yokohama’s chinatown to treat him to some good chinese food as thanks since he owed him a favor!!!!

…………………………………..and then kuukou pauses like wait why do i owe jyushi something……? but ultimately shrugs it off and just tells jyushi to hurry up he’ll be waiting outside

and prompting jyushi to wonder if it really was all just a dream……….

[dwarvencraftsdirectfromorzammar]

Corpse Roads

So i watched Original Sin and i thought i would write something small for it. I had so many ideas that went nowhere and i ended up with this. I feel like its all over the place but i cant spend more time thinking about it so im posting it. Also part 2 is written already, it just needs to brew aka lay in my docs till im satisfied with it.

He's dying, slowly bleeding out in empty train carriage and he thinks about a lot of things.

He thinks about his work as a policeman, work that made him human again, work that mattered and fulfilled him.

He thinks about his mother, knowing she is safe, taken care of and finally - hopefully with some peace. Hoping that this would not break that fragile peace.

He thinks about Sophie and her warm little smiles, hoping she won't be sad for long, that she won't feel guilty. That she will find happiness in Macau or wherever her heart might take her.

He thinks of Lu Zi Ming. Man who didn't kill her sister. Father of man he almost killed because of that. He wonders about him for a second. Would he feel better if Lu Zi Ming was one to actually do it, knowing he is behind bars? Would he be able to take his revenge if there was one to take on him?

He thinks about his work for Mr. Chen, how miserable he was with it and how good he was at it. He will miss it, like you miss a memory long passed that warms you occasionally.

He thinks of Egg Waffle, his colorful shirt after his vacation in Thailand. And Lao Gao, Lao Shi and whole unit.

He thinks of his sister, how much he misses her and that finally he will be able to say sorry to her. He hopes that she will forgive him.

He thinks of Lu Li. He won't be able to keep his promise to him. But this is for the best. Even his death will be fight for his happiness.

He thinks of everyone and is full of hope.

He thinks of Lu Li. And he hopes.

First few weeks Chi Zhen is strictly forbidden to leave his bed let alone the house. In his pitiful state, recovery is painfully slow.

He is trapped in uncomfortable bed with nothing to pass the time but watch the sun move behind the blinds. Room smelled awful to begin with but the oppressive heat makes everything worse. With yellow cracking paint on the walls and bloody floors nobody bothers to clean it's like he is waiting for a butcher. Chi Zhen feels like one big festering wound you constantly pick at until it bleeds and then leaves a nasty scar. It would be better he was dead. Better to put him to rest.

So Lu Li doesn't have to choose, doesn't have to act, can focus on his happiness only. So his mother doesn't have to go thru the humiliation, her remnant child, a killer at large. It's better to die, to make their choice for them.

From his makeshift hospital bed he plots and plans, pulls on every string, calls on every favor that can kill Chi Zhen and bury him for good. With a little bit of help he ties some of the loose threads and leaves Lanya. He thanks his saviors with 'I owe you’ and he knows they will come collecting if death won't be faster.

After Chi Zhen leaves Lanya he can finally breathe easy. Knot in his chest loosens and fresh air finally enters his lungs.

That knot pulls itself tight again after he arrives in Hong Kong. Choices waiting in Hong Kong are somewhat familiar and completely new. There is a choice of how to live and if Chi Zhen slips back into familiar but new crowds, familiar and new routines he tells himself over and over it was not just a choice born out of desperation.

He wonders about Lu Li's reaction, it doesn't matter. He is good at this job, that's what matters. Still, Chi Zhen despise Hong Kong, with the worst it's everything like home and best is nothing like at home. One room dingy apartment, in never quiet neighborhood is his home now. Stream of people milling around, having muffled conversations behind his doors are a constant now and sleepless nights are chased away only with a bottle of rum in his system. Colorful lights behind windows are always illuminating the filth in his flat but he can't be bothered to even begin to clean anything. Overall, it's miserable situation so he fills his head with what ifs.

If he returns home he is going to buy his own apartment or better yet, a house. Closer to work and closer to the retirement home, somewhere you can hear only birds and leafs outside your windows. He is going to fill it with ridiculous and ugly expensive carpets, that you hang on the walls that his many guests would marvel at. To match the carpets there would be delicate and colorful tea sets that nobody would ever touch. Sitting behind glass, picturesque and useless. There would be parties held every second week, that kind, where you sit around talking instead dance around drinking.

If he could return to Lu Li he would endlessly tease him about how ugly he looked when he cried at the scrapyard, telling him it didn't matter because he was the only one to see it. Chi Zhen would invite him to his new house and wait for Lu Li to tell him its most ridiculous thing he saw. And Chi Zhen would answer - ridiculous is good as long it's by your side. Then he would point out he has particular outfits to match with carpets and tea sets and Lu Li would burst out laughing, trying to hide his face behind his hands.

If his mother accepted his apologies and his hugs he would take her to that dream house, with two nurses and everything she asked for. Chi Zhen would cook her favorite foods as she once did for him, make jasmine tea every night to drink with her even when he hates it.

If Lu Li would allow it, he would spoil Yinuo rotten, buy her that toy that caught his eye last week, take her to see all of Lanya while telling her tales of rest of the world.

If Chi Zhen had the courage, he would go back to Lu Li's side and never leave.

His head is so full of what ifs and he can't breathe. He stops thinking of what ifs and he breaths just a little easier.

Chi Zhen keeps track, he keeps track of everything.

He knows every word said in the halls of retirement home. He knows of every little thing that happens in Hua City Police Department. From investigation into Dong Lingqi, which is honestly so stupid and risky, to Lao Shi's daughter expecting a second baby.

He carefully stores every bit of knowledge and tries to take deep breaths.

Everything happens so fast, Chi Zhen is no longer a wanted man in Lanya and Lu Li gets a promotion. And still Chi Zhen doesn't want to leave Hong Kong, or he can't leave Hong Kong.

He saw Lu Li on TV that day, in pristine looking uniform talking about achievements of Hua City Police Department and Chi Zhen wasn't really listening.

He saw Lu Li, all sharp angles, jaw set tight, talking about justice and all he could think of was that he has no right. He has no right to go back, to crush into his life like nothing happened. Like they could just continue where it stopped, like Lu Li waited for him to come back. So Chi Zhen just smiles at the image in front of him. Lu Li looks good, comfortable in his new position, healthy with solid weight and pretty color in his cheeks. Chi Zhen hopes he is happy and shuts down the TV.

He starts thinking about his future in Hong Kong, what he really wants to do and he stops thinking about Hong Kong shortly after, when he gets the news that his mother is sick.

[josephparkerokay]

we should give birds better access to microphones (a story for eli hobin)

       “i love going to cemeteries” eli says to his best friend sonic the hedgehog. “cemeteries are basically just big parks that u can hang out in.”       “truuuuuu” says sonic the hedgehog. “and they’re usually rly quiet bc not a lot of people go to them.”       eli and sonic were walking thru their favorite cemetery. there are a lot of cemeteries they like to walk thru together but this one is by far the best hehe it’s got a section with a lot of tree cover and benches that’s great to hang out in during the hottest hours of the day, but most of the cemetery has no trees at all, making it a perfect place to watch the wide open sky do its thing at sunset.       sonic the hedgehog sprints ahead, weaving thru headstones and then comes back.       “i wanna run at the speed of light!!! but stupid god won’t let me!!” sonic the hedgehog yells at a bundle of fake flowers that have blown away from the gravestone they were originally placed at.       god pops out of the fake flower bundle and says “lol i don’t care if u move at the speed of light. i’m not the one who’s stopping u.”       eli and sonic the hedgehog keep walking and they come to a mausoleum they’ve never seen before. they were just in this part of the cemetery a couple days ago and neither of them remember seeing it. hmm they both become v suspicious.       eli goes up and knocks on the mausoleum’s door and says, “ok u idiot the jig is up!!! we have u surrounded. come out now or we r going to tell on u !!” immediately the entire mausoleum bursts apart and out pops a ginormous dragon!!!       and it’s not just an ordinary dragon!!! it’s !!! a vampire dragon!!!!!       it’s laughing and breathing fire and whipping it’s tail and just acting all around aggressively. sonic the hedgehog starts doing their sonic the hedgehog thing and turning into a ball and then rolling into the dragon really fast but it doesn’t seem to be doing anything at all. eli pulls out a sword that’s at least twice his height and jumps way into the air. like way way into the air, like at least five times the height of the dragon. on his way back down he swiftly cuts off the tip of one of the dragon’s ears.       “oh fuck this” says the dragon and then it turns into a regular sized bat and flies away.       sonic the hedgehog and eli are so excited that they’ve defeated the vampire dragon. they give each other a big hug and say “ur my best friend and i love u!!!!” at the exact same time. the sun begins to set and they find a nice big rock to sit on and watch the sky do it’s thing.       the end.

[kewltie]

title: MONSTAR

author: kewltie

pairing: hyukjae/donghae

contains: slight media fic, non-linear narrative, celeb/manager, substance abuse, fandom

summary:  The life and time Lee Eunhyuk--rock god, king of the airport's runway, lord of the tabloid's front page and Donghae's eternal migraine.

a/n: i said i wasn't going to start anything new new until i finish my other projects but LOOK it been two years (??) since i wrote anything that doesn't belong in magnetic, posted to my tumblr, OR updated any of my old fics soooo hey! this isn't even new new since i been working on this on and off on my tumblr for years now so haha /o\. i like to think of this entire 'verse as my love letter to lee hyukjae so HERE WE GO GUYS. 2-3 parts i think?? lmao I THINK.

>>>>>>>>>Part One<<<<<<<<<<<<<

[litakittyclaws-blog]

The Early Bird gets the Worm

A woman by the name Jacqueline just recently bought a new house. She works as a co-producer at a movie studio.

Her new house has a nice back yard with a decent sized pool. From time to time she would let her coworkers come over and have a pool party. One party was completely different from the others.

“Hey, David. Pass me the guacamole.” -Jac

“It’s to your left.” -David

“Thanks.” -Jac

She finishes setting up for the party and sends David away until later. As soon as he leaves she goes into her bedroom and changes into her bikini.

“Damnit. I have to get a new bikini.” -Jac

She makes her way out of the bedroom and goes outside by her pool. She chills there until her party is scheduled and she has fun with herself a couple of times.

When the party started many of her coworkers showed up in their bikinis and swimming trunks.

She hears a voice behind her that sounds familiar.

“How many more times are you going to reject me?” -???

She turns around to see one of her least favorite people at work.

“I told you before. No Danny. And it will stay that way.” -Jac

He is one of those ‘asshole to everyone but the girl he likes’ type.

“I know you want to fuck me.” -Danny

“Pfffft. As if. Knowing you, you have a small dick considering how big your truck is. You’re definitely compensating for something.” -Jac

“Fuck you.” -Danny

“Only in you dreams fuckboy.” -Jac

After he started chatting to his other ‘friends’ Jacqueline started talking to other women there deep into the night.

“Hey Jac Stack. Be careful. You might give a nip slip if you keep on growing the way you are.” -Suzanne

“Hey, I’m only nineteen. I’ve grown two cup sizes since the last time. I have to buy another new bikini now that I’m a 38E.” -Jac

“Well you need to stop. Some people are getting jealous that you are still growing. It’s not normal.” -Suzanne

“Well I can’t help that I’m a thru…” -Jac

Jacqueline was interrupted by hearing someone talking to David. She excused herself and walked over. She soon realized that he was being hit on.

“Having fun over here?” -Jac

“Yeah loads of it.” -David

“You really still trying to recruit him Shawn?” -Jac

“You know it! He has such a great body! Especially those glistening abs of yours. And please sweetie Shawn-iqua.” -Shawn

“We still need him at the studios so I’ll reject you for him. Shoo.” -Jac

“He could be a model honey. (In a lowered voice directed at David) Give me your body.” -Shawn

“If only women would say that to me.” -David

Him saying that got her thinking about how big his cock would be if they had sex.

“I forgot something in my bedroom. I’ll be right back.” -Jac

“Don’t take too long. I’ll never survive.“ -David

“With me I’ll make sure you don’t. ” -Shawn

On her way there she was increasingly getting wet.

She was speeding up a little bit and was then stopped by Danny.

"I don’t have time for your shit Danny.” -Jac

“You’ll make time for me.” -Danny

“No I won’t! Now leave me alone!” -Jac

“Do we have a problem here?” -Shawn

“No. I’m just leaving. (Whispering) We are not done yet.” -Danny

“You’re coming with me. You get the special treatment.” -Shawn

Shawn picks up Danny with one arm and takes him to Jacqueline’s guest room. On his way there Shawn winks at her. She give him a look that says ‘Thank you’.

She enters her room and takes of her bikini to start playing with herself. In the middle of relieving herself she heard a rustle from the side of the bed that’s away from the door. She immediately covered herself up.

“Who’s there?!” -Jac

“Only me.” -???

“What are you doing in here David!!?” -Jac

“Hiding from Shawn. I slipped away.” -David

She started to shift to see where he was. Jacqueline heard him trying to pull his trunks up quickly. She sped up and caught him before he did. As she looked though he was covering what she wanted most right now. Jac reached her hands down to move what was obstructing her view.

David closed his eyes blushed and turned away. What she saw she never expected! Before her was David’s 11-inch fire hose!

“You’re hard. We’re you watching me?” -Jac

“I couldn’t resist. You are hot, beautiful, and have a great body.” -David

He blushed a deeper red and turned away again. She blushed now that she knew that he thought she was hot. She reached her head down and popped it in her mouth! He was surprised by this but went along with it. After a minute he started twitching.

Seconds later he burst!

“I have to go to work soon.” -David

She let him change knowing they weren’t finished yet. He left and she got back in her bikini. She went back out to socialize until everyone left.

She went to sleep around 11 after watching her usual shows. Early the next morning she saw that the sun was just rising.

“Great! I woke up at the best time! I can bask in the sun!” -Jac

She stripped down and laid on one of her pool side chairs. A little ways away she didn’t know something was watching her.

Jacqueline closed her eyes so she could relax more. As she closed her eyes she felt something on the chair besides her.

Before she could look she felt a tugging on her clit. It hurt a little bit but she loved it!

“Oooooh David!!” -Jac

She looked down to look at him while she was hitting climax but saw a BIRD! The bird’s upper beak had partially broken broken off. She tried to shoo the bird away but it just tugged harder.

She tried to push the bird off but that became a tug too hard and she sprayed the bird with her juice. It flew away quickly not liking what was on itself.

She went inside to grab a bathrobe and sat down on her couch. She started to watch a movie then there was a knock at the door. Jacqueline got up to open the door to find David. She beckoned him inside.

He came in and took of his work clothes. Afterwards he put on a T-shirt and some jeans he brought with him.

As Jacqueline takes off her bathrobe she says, “Shall we continue?”

The End

[lildragonflyblog]

Trying to find a bright spot

I want this year to be better than past years. I want to see my little farm grow. I want to share the excitement with people who love it as much as I do. 2017 was tough. It's hard enough to be an adult. It's hard enough to work for most of your entire life - since I was 16. The end of June 2017, a close relationship ended. Besides thinking he was the love of my life, I had grown accustomed to his help around the farm and home. For about 18 months now, my employment has been very short on staff so has forced us to work mandatory overtime. So add my normal battle with depression and anxiety to that.... And to top it all off, the people who were supposed to be helping me with the farmwork in trade for only paying $400 a month rent were never reliable (over 2-1/2 years) and recently, flat out said they weren't going to do any work. So I increased the rent to $800. But they are saying they won't pay it. I'm tired of being taken advantage of. I'm tired of not having reliable consistent dependable help. I don't believe I was asking too much. It's my daughter and "son-in-law" aka her babies daddy - so you know they have been getting away with a lot... more than strangers would...

At this point, I am only looking for feedback: 

FOR RENT:   Cute 3 bedroom, 2 bath, 1377 sq ft double wide mobile home with tiny fenced backyard. Located on a farm in rural area near desert about 30 minutes from town. $1000 per month, includes propane, electric, water, septic, and trash removal. W/D hookup. Also includes use of 1 freezer and use of 1 small storage shed for storage. Pet MIGHT be considered. Would require additional pet deposit. NO smoking. 1st and last months rent plus damage deposit, references and background check required. If applicant has experience with home and property maintenance, care of livestock, or building fences, might trade work for part of rent. Additionally, $400 off rent in trade for 2 hours work each evening doing the chores 5 nights each week. Could make arrangements to board 1 to 2 horses (A pen only - boarder responsible for feeding and watering and cleaning pen. Boarder must use their own supplies and equipment for their own horses) (An additional $200 to keep boarder's horses on property OR 2 hours work each evening doing the chores 2 additional nights each week).

P.S. Would need a vehicle that could make it on snowy gravel road.

[Here are the PM Chores I printed for July 2017. Yes it is detailed as to exactly define my  expectations. These chores take about 2 hours (they actually take me less time if these are all I do. As you can imagine, there are so many more things that I myself do, in addition to AM Chores, and would like to get done if I had more time).

PM    Start PM Chores about 18:00. Feed Wilber cooked eggs and left-overs - from the fridge in the garage. Turn on hydrant and hose to sows. Can use a pig bat or riding crop to keep them back - say sternly "Get back". Feed the sows cooked eggs and left-overs. Water the sows. Spray water on the sows in hot weather. Check the reading on electric fencer - should be flashing green and reading above 10. Feed and water the rabbits  - each rabbit gets 1/2 white cup except the big girl gets 1 cup pellets. The bottles need to be half full or more of water. Do not overtighten the caps. Measure out all the grain. Set the buckets on or in front of the bags of feed that they are - easier to keep track of - especially if more than 1 person does the grain. Please sweep up spilt grain - can toss the grain outside for the poultry to clean up. Make sure the shed door is shut or some bird or animal will raid the grain, make a mess, eat too much, and possibly die. Shut the geese in. Be sure the bottom of the gate is securely in the wire loop or the sheep will push their way in to eat the food. Bring the animals in and sort into proper pens - horses, cows, goats and sheep. Grace goes in the last pen to the North. She is not to have access to the water tank - that was a new tank - she ruined it immediately. Place it in Hope's pen along side her pen so that she has to put her head through the panel to drink. Marley goes in the next pen. Booger goes in the last pen to the South. He has a special dish so he doesn't immediately tip his grain. Be sure top and bottom chains are secured - they will push the unsecured bottom out and get out. Dispense the grain to the ewes first. Lock them in the trailer. The 3 adult sheep each get 1 white cup sweet feed (Stock & Stable). Dispense the rest of the feed. Please put feed in a dish if available not on the ground.

[Note:   3 white cups equals 1 green bowl] [Note:   Dump the water and/or old food out of feed dishes. Nobody wants to eat that and the mold could kill them] [Note:   Never feed the sheep anything other than grain meant specifically for sheep - the Stock & Stable is safe for sheep. A build up of copper will eventually kill them] [Note:   Never allow the sheep to access salt/trace mineral for other animals. Sheep get their own salt/trace mineral specifically made for sheep. A build up of copper will eventually kill them] [Note:   Goats will not eat grain that sits next to a turd - they will eat around it - so dump the turds out before feeding them]. [Note:   Be sure top and bottom clips are secured - they will push the unsecured bottom out and get out.]

The 3 weathers - 2 male lambs and 1 male kid -  each get 1 white cup sweet feed (Stock & Stable) (1 green bowl to share). The youngest 3 kids each get 1 white cup goat feed (Nutrena Country Feeds Goat Feed 17% Textured in a dark yellow bag) (1 green bowl to share). Charming' group of 5 - all wearing purple collars - each get 1 white cup goat feed (Goat Feed 17% Textured in a dark yellow bag) (2 green bowls to share). Orpheus' group of 15 - all wearing red collars - each get 1 white cup goat feed (Goat Feed 17% Textured in a dark yellow bag) (5 green bowls to share). Priestly's group of 9 - all wearing black collars - each get 1 white cup goat feed (Goat Feed 17% Textured in a dark yellow bag) (3 green bowls to share). Spread the grain out in different dishes or piles  - 3 animals to a dish usually works ok - so that everyone gets some. Spread the food in different piles out - 3 animals to a pile usually works ok - so that everyone gets some. The PIGS:   2 green scoops of Sow - in green bag - to Wilber, 2 green scoops of Sow to Purdy, 20 green scoops - happens to be 2 full white buckets - of Grower/Finisher to Pork Chop and family - if we are out, use sweet feed and/or corn. The ALPACAS:   Each alpaca gets 1/2 of a white cup of sweet feed - separated from each other because they fight. The LLAMA gets 1 white cup of sweet feed. The HORSES:   Gypsy gets 1/4 of a white cup of sweet feed and 1/2 of a white cup of Stratagy - in white bag, Mattie gets 1/2 of a white cup of Enrich - smaller green bag, Booger gets 2 white cups of Equine Senior Active - blue bag, and Marley gets 1/2 of a white cup of Enrich. The COWS:   Gracie gets 1 white cup of sweet feed and Hope gets 5 white cups of sweet feed. Shove all empty feed bags and strings, tags and other trash into a single feed bag for trash - when full take it up to the trash bin. At this time, animals that come in from pasture don't get hay. The ram gets 1 to 2 flakes of hay. Mattie gets 1 thin flake of hay. Gypsy gets 3 to 4 flakes of hay. The youngest 3 kids get 1 to 2 flakes of hay to share. PM HAY:   Each pair of male alpacas get 1 to 2 flakes of hay to share. The pair of female alpacas get 1 to 2 flakes of hay to share. The llama gets 1 flake of hay.

[If nobody went out to pasture:   The 3 weathers - 2 male lambs and 1 male kid -  get 2 flakes of hay to share. Charming' group of 5 - all wearing purple collars - get 3 flakes of hay to share. Orpheus' group of 15 - all wearing red collars - get 8 flakes of hay to share. Priestly's group of 9 - all wearing black collars - get 5 flakes of hay to share. Spread the hay out in different piles  - 3 animals to a pile usually works ok - so that everyone gets some.]

Please pickup and throw away all hay strings. Please cover the hay, unless hay is wet or damp. All animals need fresh water. The ducks need their little black pool dumped and rinsed out and 1/3 full and their bucket dumped and rinsed out and filled with fresh water. The geese need their little black pool dumped and rinsed out and 1/3 full. The laying chickens need their bucket dumped and rinsed out and filled with fresh water. The pool needs to be dumped and rinsed out and only 1/3 to 1/2 filled at the most. Rinse their buckets out. Goats don't like water that has been sitting in the hose. Please protect the hoses from the animals by keeping them at least 6 feet from a pen and the ends placed out of the walkway. All the animals will drag a hose into their pen and chew it up or large animals will step on the shut-off and break it. Please shut all 4 hydrants. Hoses left with water pressure will weaken and eventually burst. If the hose gets a kink in it, even if the water is off, please straighten the kinked section of hose out. Wait until after everyone has eaten to let the sheep out of the trailer - the sheep and goats will try to eat the horses' hay and grain. If animals grazed the north pasture, close the grey gate and secure it with a chain and clip. Close all other gates:   The bent cattle panel at the North West corner with the clip because Gracie will push her way thru and into the barn yard and the chain-link gates - secure with the clip so sheep and llama can't push them open. Also the bent cattle panel at the North West corner needs to be shut evenly at the bottom to keep foxes and coyotes out of the barnyard. When caring for the animals outside the barnyard on the West side be aware that the llama and alpaca girls watch us and look for an opportunity to escape. Lastly, close to dark, feed the geese 3 green bowls Layer Pellets in the feed dish - place where it won't get wet . Feed the ducks and pullets 2 green bowls Layer Pellets in the feed dish - if is raining, feed cracked corn instead. Feed the meat bird roasters 1 green scoop Layer Pellets - if is raining, feed cracked corn instead. . Feed the poultry in the chicken house Layer Pellets in the feed dispenser. Feed the laying hens 1 bucket Layer Pellets in the feed dispenser and shut the poultry in -  be sure there are no turkeys in the cage - if is raining, feed cracked corn instead. Collect the eggs PM.]

Again, I am only looking for feedback at this time.